How Close to Heaven can you get?

As I stared out the window at the endless expanse of white, a little bleep sounded from my trusty email box. The message, addressed directly to me, Ron, was from my old friend, The Big Island of Hawaii. I knew it must be important why else would they chose to contact me on a first name basis. Well, it certainly was important, really important. There was obviously an event taking place in April that needed my full attention. Many of you know that other than my wonderful family there are three things that top my list of absolute devotion. Hawaii being one, Chocolate being two and pie and a lot of other stuff being three. So! What could be more tempting to a guy like me than . . . a Chocolate Festival in Hawaii? Yep, it's the 8th Annual Kona Chocolate Festival on the Big Island of Hawaii and they want me to be there. (It says so right in the email) Even though Chocolate does grow on trees, money doesn't so I need each of you to send me as much money as possible before April first so that I may assist, mentor and convert some poor island savages in the appreciation of Chocolate (plus the only snow there is on top of Mauna Loa and Mauna Kea) In return for your generous contribution you will receive a picture of the childish person that you are sponsoring and a swell gift from Hilo Hattie's (the number one provider of quality trinkets and Women's Plus Size Hawaiian Clothing)

Mahalo and Aloha!!!