Thursday, August 19, 2010

Easy Come...Easy Go!

For the third or fourth time in less than a month I have turned down millions of dollars. Just this afternoon, as I was not enjoying still another Cub loss, my displeasure was interrupted by a phone call from Kingston Jamaica. A voice in very broken English greeted me by name, Mr. Ronald Blume (with the accent on the "E"). He proceeded to inform me that while searching through some records his firm had discovered that I was owed two point five million dollars plus ten thousand dollars for something I couldn't understand. All I needed to do was verify my address and some other minor information and the bucks would start rolling in. The easy way would be for me to have them deposit it directly into my checking account. At the time I was distracted by the ball game where the Cubs were about to set a new record for striking out on wild pitches. I told the guy that I really didn't have time for him right now and two point five million was hardly worth the trouble and as long as he had my phone number he could probably dig up my address and just mail me a check. He insisted that this was a chance of a lifetime and I may never have an opportunity like this again. I replied that only two or three weeks ago one of his colleagues offered me a similar deal which I also turned down. I explained to him that such a large amount of money would put me in a higher tax bracket and create an awful lot of extra paperwork, besides I had just driven a trunk full of pop cans over to Michigan and collected the deposit for some big bucks. In my best broken Jamaican I suggested that he could have the money and maybe take his wife and family out for a nice dinner, I understood that the jerk chicken and escoveitch fish were real good this time of year. I told him that I had to hang up because three Cub runners were caught in a rundown between home and first base. (That only occurred twice before in this season) I thanked him for his time and concern for my well being. In closing told him to call back anytime he came across a more worthwhile amount. Not wanting to be a complete idiot, I gave him the names of all my Facebook "friends" and suggested he split up the money between them. So, when you get your cash, I'm free for lunch!