Thursday, November 25, 2010

The Lighting of the Lights...

Although I had a completely different Blog planned for today, the arrival of an annual tradition in the Blume household interrupted my thought process. It was JoAnne's ceremonial lighting of the window candles. Each year, after an extensive search for the properly hidden (put away for convenient finding) box containing the candles, extension cords, timers, extra bulbs, and batteries, the master plan goes into effect. This is a signal for me to go to the store or run some factitious errand. (Once all of the elements are found) Bulbs are tested, cords untangled, timers are set and that master plan starts to take shape. NASA produces a less complicated wiring diagram than what Jo's would look like if she had one. We have, I think, nineteen windows and being a really old house we only have four electrical outlets. This makes for some real ingenious configurations in the art of electrical wiring. I must admit that year after year the task tends to fall into place with greater ease and less cussing than the year before. In years, BT (Before Timers) turning the nineteen or so candles on and off was nearly as exciting as the installation process itself. And, BC (Before Cords) when all candles were battery powered, the procedure of going from window to window to twist loose each hot little bulb was the equivalent to Marine Corp basic training maneuvers. In both cases (BT and BC) it involved crawling under furniture, squeezing behind cabinets, hanging by your knees from the ceiling fan or blindly groping in the dark for an escaped candle that had thrown itself off it's proper windowsill. So this Thanksgiving I would like to share a thankful prayer with all who, at one time or another, may experience the warm glow of Christmas Candles beckoning welcome in a small town in Wisconsin.
"Thanks Lord for the many blessings you've showered on us, thank you so much for putting us in a place where we can freely express our joy at this time of year and, thanks for bringing tranquility to our home by providing us with extension cords and timers as well as the patience to install them. Amen!"
I wanted in insert a photo of the finished product but we seem to have blown a fu.....

Friday, November 5, 2010

Just In . . .Randy Moss picked up by Chicago

Cubs that is! Wow! I didn't see this coming. Although once the shock is gone and you have a chance to think about it. Why not? The Cubs have been picking up high paid castoff, temperamental, malcontents from other teams for quite some time. Most of these "stars" never play up to their expectations but do retain their ability to upset any team chemistry. Milton Bradley did this to perfection and guys like Alfonso Soriano, with salaries the size of The Dominican Republic just show up every day and, usually, manage dress in the correct uniform. So, what are the Cubs going to do with Randy? In football he caught balls that someone would throw to him. In baseball there's a guy behind the batter that catches balls that someone throws to him. Catcher would seem like a appropriate position for him. (and remember the Cubs had pretty good luck with a catcher named Randy once before) As a catcher he would get to wear a sort of helmet with a face guard. He's used to that. And when running the bases, should he ever get on, he has a number of moves he could employ to avoid being tagged. (run ninty feet, cut left) One other benefit of him catching is that being relatively tall (6-4) he could possibly block the view of smaller, easily intimidated umpires while explaining how his foot was in bounds when he caught the ball for a strike. This should be a win, win situation for the Cubs as they have been losing a lot of high salaried players and can't use that as leverage to raise ticket prices again this year. Who knows with a little luck, they may be able to grab Favre after either his arm or foot fall off. With the possibility of his successive starts streak ending it seems only natural for him to become a "Closer". 2011 might be an interesting season after all.

Randy's charming demeanor should be a real asset on and off the field, Wrigley.

Ryno to Vikings
Not to be left out in the cold (ha ha) the Minnesota Vikings announced today that they were picking up Hall of Fame, All Star Secondbaseman, Minor League Manager of the Year, (supposed 2011 Cub's Manager) Ryne Sandberg as a designated fan. It seems to be an appropriate move as he has already been left out in the cold by the Cubs.

Because his number, 23, has been pulled by the Cubs
Ryno opted to pick one that should last for a long, long, long time.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Sniff, Snort, Squirt

Last Monday night I had the pleasure of being entertained by a head full of ah . . . how shall I say . . . snot. It was my semiannual visit by Mr. Mucus and his Head Cold Gang. This phenomenon has always amazed me. Where does all that stuff come from? Where is it stored up for the rest of the year? In a four hour period that night I blew out and coughed up at least five gallons of some kind of semi-solid material. Now the last time I looked, it didn't seem like my head could hold five gallons of anything. I don't think any cavity in my body could contain the enormous amount of stuff that I expelled that night. During the day yesterday things kinda let up. Not much coughing or nose blowing although my voice turned into a device that could communicate with dolphins and sea lions. (I tried it on a Manatee, but he couldn't understand a sound I made) Last night Mr. Mucus and his buddies returned and the five or six gallons of their evil fluids were dispersed into dozens of Kleenexes strewn around the foot of the bed. In between gags and blows I amused myself playing Kleenex/waste basket basketball. (My left hand won by only seven points) This morning as I retrieved the errant shots, a chilling thought came to mind. I thought back to the days of my childhood (and a good part of childishhood) when each morning we would equip ourselves with a clean white handkerchief which was expected to contain all the nasal residue that one would encounter that day. Think about it, sneeze, cough, blow and stick back into your pocket only to pull it out again in a few minutes to repeat the routine. If you had the least bit of a cold, just putting your hand into your pocket was quite an adventure. I guess this fact alone should put Kleenex Tissues right near the top of "The Greatest Inventions of all Time" list. Once again, today the drippy, drooly, stuffiness has let up the voice isn't much better but I have no one to talk to anyway. I have considered making crank phone calls to various politicians who have been calling me for the past year. THis post probably isn't very interesting to most of you and there's nothing to be learned from it (Maybe you could tell your kids about how lucky they are that you don;t make them carry handkerchiefs) but, when you're laying around at night tossing wet Kleenexes the only other thing to do is come up with stupid subjects for a blog.
Gotta go, I have to head over to Walgreen's, they have Kleenex on sale.

I couldn't have said it better!

Hopefully I'll get some beneficial sleep the next couple of nights. I have about three dozen clocks to reset Saturday night. It's either that or move to Indiana. Speaking of time. As I surveyed the walls of clocks another thought came to mind. According to most of the clocks it was somewhere around 2:30. It dawned on me that next Thursday at this time it will be the same time. Now that's the stuff Nobel Prizes are given for.