Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Sniff, Snort, Squirt

Last Monday night I had the pleasure of being entertained by a head full of ah . . . how shall I say . . . snot. It was my semiannual visit by Mr. Mucus and his Head Cold Gang. This phenomenon has always amazed me. Where does all that stuff come from? Where is it stored up for the rest of the year? In a four hour period that night I blew out and coughed up at least five gallons of some kind of semi-solid material. Now the last time I looked, it didn't seem like my head could hold five gallons of anything. I don't think any cavity in my body could contain the enormous amount of stuff that I expelled that night. During the day yesterday things kinda let up. Not much coughing or nose blowing although my voice turned into a device that could communicate with dolphins and sea lions. (I tried it on a Manatee, but he couldn't understand a sound I made) Last night Mr. Mucus and his buddies returned and the five or six gallons of their evil fluids were dispersed into dozens of Kleenexes strewn around the foot of the bed. In between gags and blows I amused myself playing Kleenex/waste basket basketball. (My left hand won by only seven points) This morning as I retrieved the errant shots, a chilling thought came to mind. I thought back to the days of my childhood (and a good part of childishhood) when each morning we would equip ourselves with a clean white handkerchief which was expected to contain all the nasal residue that one would encounter that day. Think about it, sneeze, cough, blow and stick back into your pocket only to pull it out again in a few minutes to repeat the routine. If you had the least bit of a cold, just putting your hand into your pocket was quite an adventure. I guess this fact alone should put Kleenex Tissues right near the top of "The Greatest Inventions of all Time" list. Once again, today the drippy, drooly, stuffiness has let up the voice isn't much better but I have no one to talk to anyway. I have considered making crank phone calls to various politicians who have been calling me for the past year. THis post probably isn't very interesting to most of you and there's nothing to be learned from it (Maybe you could tell your kids about how lucky they are that you don;t make them carry handkerchiefs) but, when you're laying around at night tossing wet Kleenexes the only other thing to do is come up with stupid subjects for a blog.
Gotta go, I have to head over to Walgreen's, they have Kleenex on sale.

I couldn't have said it better!

Hopefully I'll get some beneficial sleep the next couple of nights. I have about three dozen clocks to reset Saturday night. It's either that or move to Indiana. Speaking of time. As I surveyed the walls of clocks another thought came to mind. According to most of the clocks it was somewhere around 2:30. It dawned on me that next Thursday at this time it will be the same time. Now that's the stuff Nobel Prizes are given for.