Tax Time

Here are some quotes that might lighten up tax day.

"It's tax time. I know this because I'm staring at documents that make no sense to me, no matter how many beers I drink."
-- Dave Barry

"How is a mugger different from the Internal Revenue Service? Both take your money, but the mugger doesn't make you fill out forms."
--Jacob Sullum in Reason

"More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments."
-- Robert Orben

"Taxation with representation ain't so hot either."
-- Gerald Barzan, humorist

"Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq."
--Conan O'Brien


"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
-- Dave Barry

"The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling."
-- Comedian

Called in for an audit, Mr. Briggs was confronted by a surly IRS agent. "It says here, Mr. Briggs, that you are a bachelor; yet you claim a dependent son. Surely this must be a mistake." Looking him straight in the eye, Mr. Briggs replied, "Yup, it surely was."

"A fool and his money are soon parted. It takes creative tax laws for the rest."
-- C Bob Thaves

"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
-- Jay Leno

"If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract - teach him to deduct."
-- Fran Lebowitz

"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids."
-- Harvey Mackay

"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
-- J. Danforth Quayle V.P.

The more you earn, the less you keep,
And now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my soul to take,
If the tax collector hasn't got it before I wake.
-- Ogden Nash

This guy walks into the tax auditor's office, the auditor looks at him and says, "Please Mr. Johnson, take a seat. We already own a piece of yours."